


Beginnings

by smokyphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Other, a lot of unrequited love, loads of sadness and regret, there's a very brief kinda implied mention of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:50:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3082640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokyphan/pseuds/smokyphan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the New Year and Dan's taking a shower and thinking a lot</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Look who wrote another angsty drabble this is all I can write I'm sorry happy new year everyone have some angst (i had to google how to spell the title oh)

Dan Howell starts the new year with a shower. It’s renewal, in a way; washing away all his thoughts and feelings and whispers of a relationship that should have been but never quite was. The water runs over him, and he wills himself to forget about the past 5 years of his life.

He had tried to stay with Phil and Her, he really had. Smile, pretend that he thinks they’re cute as they share a New Year’s kiss, toast the champagne to their engagement that is but hours old. However inside Dan is breaking, crumbling, falling apart. Everything is going right for Phil but it’s going wrong, so wrong for Dan.  
By 0:15, 1st January 2015 he’s standing under the icy water, letting the droplets splatter his face and pretending his tears are coming from the shower head. Because, really, he should be happy for Phil. Since She waltzed into their lives, at a New Years Eve party this time last year, everything seems to have gotten a million times better for Phil. She is perfect for him, with Her long curly hair and homemade cupcakes and passion for life, in every way that Dan couldn’t be.

He stiffens as he hears Her giggling as they walk past the bathroom, oblivious to Dan the other side of the door and obviously heading to Phil’s room where She will occupy a space which Dan wishes he had taken up when he had the chance 5 years ago. Inside his head Dan is already solidifying his plans to move out. Once She moved in, as She so imminently would, Phil wouldn’t want him around any more. Once Dan was gone, he supposed, Phil would have room for the children She was always talking about and would have the freedom to start a family without the worry of his so-called “best friend”.

By 0:30, Dan had made plans. He will wake up early, before Phil and Her, book train tickets, call his parents and begin to pack up his life with Phil. He can move home for a few days, find somewhere else to live. Mentally, he’s already planning his conversation with the radio bosses which will get him out of that job and Phil out of his life.

At 0:37, Dan shuts off the water, wraps a towel round his waist and all but runs to his bedroom, trying to ignore the intermittent moans emanating from behind Phil’s door. He’s alone, really. He has friends, sure, but they all got to know him as DanandPhil, and since She broke that unit apart he hasn’t really seen much of them. He mentally sets himself a challenge that this year he will be strong, he will find new friends and his own adventures and he will be Dan without Phil. Realistically, once he goes back home to his family he’ll never have to see Phil again, unless he has to come back to pick up his stuff but he’s sure his dad or PJ or Bryony or somebody would be happy to do that for him. It wasn’t like he saw Phil much anymore anyway, asides from brief passings in hallways and all too awkward breakfasts with Her planted firmly on Phil’s lap. She had ripped his best friend away from him, and Dan was beginning to realise that these wounds weren’t going to heal if he stuck around with The Happy Couple. He’d send flowers for the wedding, Dan supposed, but he knew it would be all too painful to have to sit and watch Phil marry someone else and wishing he could be the one muttering the vows back.

By 1am on the 1st January, Dan had resigned himself to losing the only person he truly loved.


End file.
